Decoding Behavior In Children And Teens With Dawn Daniels, M.Ed.,LPC

Parenting can be one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys in life. From toddler tantrums to teenage attitudes, many parents find themselves asking, “What am I doing wrong?”

In this episode of Talking with Purpose, we sit down with Dawn Daniels, M.Ed., LPC, to discuss the hidden reasons behind children’s behavior and what parents can do to create lasting positive change in their homes.

We discuss:
✔️ Why children act out
✔️ The root causes behind challenging behaviors
✔️ Common parenting mistakes
✔️ How to handle tantrums and attitudes
✔️ Practical tools for reducing power struggles
✔️ Encouragement for overwhelmed parents

Whether you’re raising toddlers, teens, or somewhere in between, this conversation will equip you with insights and practical strategies to help bring more peace and connection to your family.

📍 Join us for our upcoming Parents Conference:

From Toddlers to Teens: Decoding Behavior

📅 July 11, 2026
⏰ 12:00 PM
📍 Inspire Church
1019 E Broad Street
Elyria, OH 44035

Speaker: Dawn Daniels, M.Ed., LPC

Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE and SHARE this episode with a parent who could use some encouragement.

#Parenting #ChristianParenting #Toddlers #Teenagers #FamilyLife #ParentingTips #InspireChurch #TalkingWithPurpose #MentalHealth #behaviormanagement

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to Talking with Purpose. Today we are missing someone, which is our comic relief. And I have with us Dawn. Um, so we will be doing a parents conference in July, which Dawn will be speaking at. And so we want to kind of pick your brain today and see um explain to us a little bit about us, about it. Um, because I know you told me, right? And so it's very intriguing on how children are and as they grow up, and so we're gonna um dig deeper into that. Awesome. So I'll start with um tell us a little bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Um so I teach high school, um, psychology, sociology, economics, financial literacy, American American history, and government. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

I didn't realize you did all of that.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Um I also have a private counseling practice. Um, I've been counseling for almost 11, well, I think it's been a little over 11 years now. Um, work with 13 through all the way up until like 80-year-olds. Oh, wow. Um, I'm also a licensed school counselor. Um, so I have worked extensively with children. Um, I've had my own children um and learned a lot about kids, teenagers along the way, not only their behaviors, but how our their brain changes. And sometimes I think parents, we we take everything on ourselves, like it's our fault, or we could have done this or should have done this, or what happened to my little baby, they don't want to talk to me anymore. And so parents need to know that there are changes that are taking place in the brain, that it's not all on you. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

So, what would you say inspired you to dedicate your career to helping children and people in general?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Um, I have seven brothers and sisters. And so, you know, when you're growing up, I look at my mom and she, you know, she's amazing, but she had her struggles. And you know, as a kid, you think, oh, I will never do that, you know, with my kid or my child. And she my mom could be very harsh, but very but loving. We always knew we were loved. But as you grew up, you realized, oh my gosh, I can't imagine. You know, I I had two little ones. I can't, I don't even know. I would have lost my mind with eight kids. And I have a twin brother, so there were two. And then our sister was a year and ten days older than us. So it was she had a toddler and twins. Yeah. Um, so as I learned and I started growing, and I would see parents out, you know, whether it was at the store or, you know, and child throwing a tantrum, and you're just like, if you could just show them, like, try this or do this. And I think sometimes as parents would become defensive because we already struggle. Right. And then, you know, you all you kind of want to say, Well, you just don't understand. But we do understand because we've been there and we're just trying to share this is what helped with us. Right. And so I my heart goes out, you know, not only to help the children, the teenagers, but the adults that surround them, because I know the devastation and how hard that is when your kids are doing things that you don't understand. And then with the kids, especially teaching high school over the years, so many of my kids that would come to me and talk to about what was happening at home, and they didn't know how to talk to mom anymore. They didn't know how to talk to dad or or you know, they didn't understand them. And so I just wanted to be able to be able to explain not only to the parents, but also be there for the kids to say, try this, or to the parents, you know, try this or pull back a little bit or give them something to work with. Because it's it's hard, it's harder than anybody could ever imagine.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Right. And I mean when you I when I think of growing up, you go through so many changes that you yourself don't understand. And then even though, right, you now being a parent, I know now that my mom knew, right? But at that time I didn't care what she said. Like to me, it's like you don't know nothing. It's different. It's just different.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

That's my biggest thing. It was different when you were a kid. Right. It's exactly the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Yeah. Why do you think that so many people, um, parents, so many parents feel overwhelmed and exhausted?

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Um, I mean, one, I think that there's not a lot of support. Um, this was something, and I was um to this day for the rest of my life, I will always be grateful to my sister. I remember when my daughter was um, she was born May 28th, and she I was breastfeeding, and you know, it was like, oh, it's so good for them. All I knew was she had gas for she got fed every two hours, and she had gas a gassy belly for an hour. So I would have her screaming for an hour and then an hour later it was time to feed her again. And I would be awake all night long. And I remember calling my sister and just crying and saying that it doesn't make sense. And she said, she said, I said, I I understand the frustration now. Like when people say, you know, like how could you be impatient with a baby? And she said, This is something that no one tells you. She's like, But there are gonna be days that you feel like throwing your kid out the window. And she said, It but it doesn't make you a bad parent. You know, she said, because you're allowed to feel that you're overwhelmed and you're you're frustrated and you thought it was gonna be something different. And we don't talk about that. We don't talk about the hard stuff because you're so afraid of being judged. Yes. That you're you know you're giving everything that you have. And so um I think that parents are afraid to talk to people. I think they're afraid to reach out at feeling inadequate, um, that maybe they've failed somehow, right? And that there's I don't know, that there's like a magic way to get it done. Right. Um, and definitely we have no community anymore.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

People have turned to social media, um, people do not go out and spend time with each other, they don't talk to each other, they don't reach out. And sometimes family, as much as we love them, sometimes are our harshest critics and sometimes the hardest on us. And so I feel like sometimes when you feel like you've been judged, you pull back and you no longer share even with your family. And so you try to do it alone.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Yes, that's so true. And what you say is true about like look, even the most l amazing parents at one point in time. I'm sure they wanted to throw that baby.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Right, and you know, and that's the pain, you're like, oh, thank you, Lord, that I had patience. Or I learned, you know, I I always tell my young ones that have babies, I'm like, they're gonna cry and it's okay, and you can put them down and walk away until you collect yourself. Right, close the door so you can't hear them screaming, go downstairs, give yourself five or ten minutes, they'll be okay. Right. So you can calm down, and then once you've calmed down, they'll feel that you've calmed down and they will calm down. You know, so it's okay to walk away.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Right. Yeah, and and that's so true. Like, nobody prepares you to be a parent. Like, nobody, like, even your own parents don't prepare you to be a parent.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

People tell you, okay, all your sleep now. Right. You're like, okay. And you're like, what does that mean? Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

You know, like that's all they say, but they don't talk about, you know, what do you do when you want to throw your baby out the window?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

It's 3 a.m. and your baby's been crying for three straight hours.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Exactly. Nobody's helping you. The baby is colic, or I also breastfed. And so the youngest, Yareli, um, I didn't know that she was uh, I guess, dairy intolerant. So the doctor's like, yeah, you're gonna have to stop eating dairy. And I was like, uh, what what what formula can we switch her to exactly? That's not we ain't doing that. That's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

And that's horrible. My son was same thing for six months. Um, he would literally throw up almost everything that he ate. And um, I ended up going to formula, like um, I breastfed for like two months and then I had to go back to work. And so I put him on formula, and he was a big boy, and so I would he would soak everything, and he would probably go through 10 outfits a day because he would and I tell the doctor, and he's like, Well, he's growing, he's getting something, and I'm like, but but why this isn't normal.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Six months old, he got rotavirus, so they put him on soy, never threw up again. You know, not well the normal, but not right, and I was like, So he's been in lactose intolerant this entire time, but the doctors never would do anything.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

So that was frustrating. Yeah, he didn't learn to crawl or anything because he could not like he wasn't like moving like he should because of that.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

That's wild.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

And that that's where like doctors sometimes right. I work I work in the medical field, bro. And it's like you get the ones that listen to you and and then you have the ones that they think that they know that they know, and I went to medical school and I don't care what you're saying, and this is what's going on. And so, and that doesn't help, you know what I mean, where you're trying to figure things out and the doctor's telling you the contrary.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

And that's exactly the same way. As a parent, then they they make you feel stupid. Um, I was told he had he had um seborrheta, like a skin, like an eczema, and they were giving him this cream, and all of a sudden I was reading this article and it said that this cream was causing cancer. So I immediately called the doctor, and the nurse's response to me was, is he eating it? And I said, What do you what? And she goes, They did a study and they were feeding the rats that cream. That's why they were getting cancer, like rude as could be. And I told her, I said, Listen, I'm not that parent that calls every five minutes because something's wrong with my child. Matter of fact, I rarely call. I make sure that I've done everything myself before I call. And I said, But when I read an article that a cream that I've been putting on my son since he was born, uh that is getting having the lymphoma is developing, I said, I'm allowed to be concerned about this. Right. It's just, well, I'm I'm sorry. And she apologized, but it was, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Your skin is the biggest organ of your body.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

So I immediately stopped, you know, putting it on him, but it was and when they told me to give it to him at first, they put said put it on every day. And I'm like, I only put it on if there was a patch that came up. I'm not gonna put this, it's a steroid, I'm not putting this on him every day.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Right. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

But yeah, yelled at me and treated me like I was an idiot because you know, I'm panicking over an article that I read.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Oh man, I love it. All right, what is the biggest parenting mistake you see parents making today?

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Uh appeasing their children. So I know okay, so this might offend people, and I don't mean this to be offensive, but toddlers are very much like puppies. And a puppy is it's it's looking to for the alpha. So the puppies are never gonna see you as a human. They see you as a pack leader. And so if you don't give them direction and become the pack leader, they will try to become the pack leader. And so toddlers are exactly the same way. Their little brains are so curious that they're they're figuring out their world every single moment of every day they're growing. And so there's actually a thing called hemi-sync. Um, we now know we used to think that children's brains, basically by the age of three, was kind of the foundation. We now know it's seven. Oh wow and so for the first seven years of their life, they walk around in a theta state, which is like a twilight, and they're sponges. And so everything that's happening in their world, they're downloading it, becomes their foundation of their belief system. So if their needs aren't being met, the world's unsafe. If if you bow to their every whim, they're the center of the world, and this is how everyone should act. And so um, parents, you know, again, I'm not blaming parents. Right, we're busy, we have things, you have things you have to do, but you go to the grocery store, you have to get all the grocery shopping done. And so you put your kid in the cart and say, Okay, you know, we're gonna go. I mommy needs you to be good, and the whole time this child is wanting this and wanting this and wanting this. Well, mom's tired, she has a set amount of time, set amount of money to spend, right? And this child's interrupting her every minute, and then they want candy and they want this, and she's saying no, and then finally, fine, here, here you go.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

And then you're attacking me right now.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

So, what happens? Okay, so there's a psychology study that was done with pig with pigeons, and so they would peck this little hole, and when they peck it, a piece of food would come down. And then after the researchers, I believe they did it a hundred times, and then they made it so that he had to peck it twice, and then the food would come down. They were able to get they were able to get the um the number to a hundred pecks before a piece of food would come down, and the pigeon would do it every single time. Children, when you say, here, here you go, here you go, they start learning, oh, well, if I throw a tantrum, mommy will give me what I want. If I'm at the store and I start screaming, you might say no the first time, and you may say no the second time, but the third time you'll give in. They learn us and they learn us very fast. Wow. They learn which parent, if both parents are in the home, what who they can get away with the most. And again, they're not bad. And this is something that really frustrates me. Never call your child bad. People do that. They're not bad. They're curious, and they just they're figuring out their world, and what they found was you're the easy target. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

And if you have Oh, I feel like it's always mom.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

It is why because emotionally we give in.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Because we don't want our babies to be upset, we don't want them to be sad.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

And but I mean you think about it as a grown-up, if you were at work and you had the boss that was really stern, or the boss that could give in a little bit, who are you gonna go to? Right. So we do the same thing, it's just it's a higher level of thinking where they're thinking more on survival right now at this stage is where am I gonna get the best outcome?

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

So they're not bad, they're they're just learning and manipulating their worlds and work for them.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

So, um, so when you have a child that has learned that about you, right? Like they know after three times, now mommy's gonna say yes or whatever. As the parent, how can you stop that from happening?

SPEAKER_00 13:37

You you have to start making the changes as the parent. And you have to stick because it's and it's gonna take a while. Um okay, so our brains, so people say it takes 21 days to create a new habit. Actually, we researchers actually showed that it was 25 days. So there was a study done where they took astronauts and they put them in a zero gravity chamber and they put these glasses on them. And when they put the glasses on, it flipped their world upside down. And so they were told to continue about their day with the glasses on. They were never allowed to take them off, even when they slept. So as soon as they would wake up, their glasses would be on. And so after twelve, they took half the group and after 12 days, they had one group take off the glasses. And they got to take them off for the whole day, 24 hours. Then they put them back on. On day 25, for the first group that kept them on the whole time, when they woke up in the morning, their world had flipped right side up with the glasses on. The brain had transferred it. It took 25 days to recreate this neural pathway to do that. The group that had taken them off had to go an additional 13 days to their day 25. Wow. And so what they found was when you start a habit and you don't follow through with it for 25 days, it breaks apart. So think about you've you've decided you're gonna eat really good, you're gonna work out.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

That one right there.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

And the workout thing is the biggest thing. So you're working out, and then Pastor Les is like, you're on you're on day like, you know, 20, you know, and you're like, you're doing great. And he's like, babe, I'm so proud of you. Like, we're gonna celebrate, take the day off, and we're gonna go blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you're like, okay, so you do it, and the next thing you know, a couple of a day goes by to do when you're just not feeling it, and you don't go. Because the the neural pathway broke apart.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

So does it have to be something you do every day?

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yes, you have to do it every day. The one day that you break it apart, you don't do it, their little neural pathway breaks apart and it starts all over again because you're really strong and you're good, good, good, good. And then on day 16, you're having a really rough day, you're really tired, you just need her to be quiet because you got things to do. So you give in. Right. She just learned, oh, look, mom gives in. And so it is it behavior of children is really on us. Children who misbehave, unless there is a disorder or something, right? But behavior in itself, it's really on us. So that comes down to think about when you were training them to sleep in their own bed for the first time. Right. So if you would have done seven straight days, at seven days, it would have started the patterns there. But parents are exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

And so never ever ever try to start a new habit when you're gonna be in the middle of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Summers are great for starting new habits, bedtimes, things like that, because you know, the kid doesn't have to get up in the morning. You might still have to work, but at least they're not gonna be tired.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

You know, as adults, we can be a little tired and work through it. Children, they're gonna be throwing tantrums, all kinds of stuff. So figure it out when you can do it the best. One of the things that I tell people, and I always told clients that had little kids, is find a store that you don't like, um, that you don't really shop at. And because what happens is you're at the store, you're at Target, and that's your place, you're always there. And your kid starts throwing a tantrum. And you've told them if you throw a tantrum, we're leaving. Well, you're not leaving because you got things to do. So as soon as they start, you're like, okay, all right, just one more. Right. Well, okay, you're teaching them. So put them in a cart, go to go to Ollie's, go to big lots, go somewhere where you don't normally go, and say, tell them, we're going in the store, mommy has a few things to do, and if you behave, then when we leave, blah, blah, blah. It can be ice cream, but it can be we'll go s we'll go home and we'll play a game together. Because you're if you give them food, that grows over time. If you give them money, that they're gonna want bigger and better things over time.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

And they what do children really want? Your attention.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

So take them somewhere, don't make it long, maybe 10-15 minutes max. And if they start to throw a fit, you just you say, I told you if you threw a fit while we were in here, we would have to leave. You pick them up out of the cart, you leave your cart, you walk out. Because if you do that, they're in shock. Then you just made them leave because before you wouldn't because you had things to do.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Now you're just there. They don't know that.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

So then you then you don't say a word, you put them in your car, they're gonna throw tam, don't answer it. You do not have to talk to it because there's now a power struggle. They want you to talk because if they can get you mad and talking back and forth, they're gaining the advantage. That's that power struggle. So I'm mommy is mommy's upset right now, I'm taking a breath, I'll talk to you when we get home.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

So if you have an older child, um, you know, someone that already has gone through that phase, they already know that mommy gives in. Like my oldest is about to be 20, and he's still he'll be like, I know he'll ask me something multiple times because he knows eventually I'll be like, Oh my god, just get out of my face. Yes, you know, and so with older children, whether it's preteen or teenagers or even adult children, how do you break that cycle?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

You gotta say no. And it's it's hard because I my I have adult children, and um it's be honest. You know, when you were little, I didn't know. And I gave in a lot, and I realized that it wasn't good for you. Um, I realized when I gave in too much that you didn't learn anything. I actually had a woman tell me this years ago, and it I've never forgotten it. And she said, When we go in and fix things for our children, she said, everything that happens to us is a lesson. And as we grow, everything that we learn brings us to a new level, right? And we work through something and we know that God's path for us is the same, right? We go through stuff because God's taking us to another level, but we gotta get through this and learn all that we needed to, and that wisdom that was gained that gets us to the next phase. When we do things for our children, we are actually stunting their growth. So whatever that whatever lesson they were supposed to learn, if I take that away from them, I may have set them back 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

And you don't think about it like that as a parent. Like I think of my kids, right? Like the little the younger two are are it's different because they haven't really experienced life yet, like Saray's 11. Um, but the boys, you know, Eli is about to be 20 and then Isaiah's about to be 18, and they do, they go through things, and it's like a lot of it is financial stuff, right? And it's like, well, I'll let you borrow it, but you better pay me back, you know? And so I'm definitely guilty of that. But it's it's also like being raised by a single mom. I don't want, like, I want, I think in my head that I'm setting them up for success because I'm helping them not struggle, if that makes sense. Like, because I struggled so much growing up.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

And what did you learn in the struggle?

SPEAKER_01 20:33

To be strong and independent.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Yeah, and there is there's a fine line, yeah, right? There's abandonment. Right, right, right. There's letting you struggle a little bit. Um, there is a book, Parents, the only book I've ever recommended in my life is called Um Parenting with Love and Logic. Um, phenomenal. Both parents, both people were um psychologists, and amazing book, but but it's all about choices and teaching our children. So we raise our kids to make, we want them to go out and live a life and make good choices, but we never allow our children to make choices. We make all their choices for them. That's it. And then all of a sudden, magically, at 20, we want you to be a good citizen, upstanding, good, great choices. But so in it, um, they realized that their children had no understanding of the value of money. And so him and his wife sat down, their two boys, and they said, Okay, this you know, school year's coming up, and we've decided this is how much we usually spend buying you your back to school clothes, your your folders, you know, pens, pencils, all of that. And so what we've decided is you have no understanding of money. So we're gonna give you what we would have spent on you for the first semester. And you are responsible, and we will not be giving you another dime. So you need to figure it out. So the two brothers went out, and the one, very meticulous, went and bought all the stuff he needed. The other one went, I think he spent money on a um, I think an amp for his guitar, and he bought I I mean, it nothing to do with school.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

School starts about two weeks in whining. I don't have any pens, I don't have any paper. Sorry. And they said it was the hardest thing. Ever to stick to that because they saw the suffering. And that boy suffered all the way up until Christmas break. He suffered. And finally sat on down and said, Okay, like here's the money for the second half. They said he had everything written down, exactly what he needed, where the best sales were, everything. And you know what? Every from then from until they graduated, they did the same thing and he never did it again. But he had to suffer. And it the one their one, their oldest, or maybe it was their youngest, when he was a senior, um, he asked his, told his parents, There's this party going on this weekend, everybody's gonna be there, it's a senior class. Um, can I borrow the car? And he said, I'm sorry. The dad said, I have a seminar, ask your mom. And she said, That's okay, dad. She has a seminar too. And he goes, I'm just not gonna go. And he says, Well, why don't you call your friend Charlie? And he goes, No, that's okay, Dad. And he walks away. So his dad follows follows him into his room and was like, What's going on? I thought, you know, you and something happened with Charlie. And he goes, Charlie's been drinking a lot at parties and stuff, and I just don't feel safe getting into a car with him. And he was like, I'm so proud of you and what the choice that you made. Like that's such a grown-up and that night Charlie went off the side of a cliff with I think three other of their friends um driving home drunk and they were all killed. And so he said, If I had if we had not taught our children to make choices, my son would have been out of that car.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Right. So how do you start implementing that from childhood, right? Because my six-year-old, if I give her a choice, I'm and I'm just gonna say something real crazy, right? Like, would you rather have dinner or ice cream? She's like ice cream, ice cream gonna win honestly.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Okay, so it's logical choices. Okay, so and then and this was something that I had to implement as I started learning too, because my kids were also a little bit older when we started it, but um choices. So it was you have a choice. We have, we can okay, children like when they get dressed, do not open up the um closet and be like, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

It's extremely overwhelming for their little brains. So what you do is you lay out a cup two shirts, you lay out two different pairs of pants, socks, shoes, and then say, you can choose whichever one you want, or you can mix and match. You've now given them a choice but in a limited space. Okay. They can handle that choice.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

At what age can they not hand like when when does that change? And I'm gonna tell you why I ask. Sarae's 11, and she'll still sometimes in the morning be like, Can you pick my clothes? Like, so is that is that still a lot for her to do at 11?

SPEAKER_00 24:33

So even at 10, 11, even though the brain is starting to change, they have so much going on because they're going into pre-adolescence, and so the body's really starting to shift. Um, I I don't know if you've ever heard the saying, but Steve Jobs always wore like the same thing every single day. And so does Zuckerberg, like the white T and the jeans. And what they found was the brain is only capable of making so many good decisions every day. And so for children, every it can be really exhausting to even have to go to that. It's just one more thing they have to think about. Right. So there's nothing wrong with that. You can just you can want wanting her to be involved, which is okay, well, I can put two outfits out and you can choose which one or mix and match. And you know, like I do your sister, that way she's involved, but not to the point where she has to f go through every single thing to figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Yeah, and see for me, I think I immediately I go to like you're being lazy. Right? Like as the parent, that's really I'm like, Sarah, stop being lazy, like just pick something. Yeah. I don't ever think like that it's over it's overwhelming to a child because in my head it's like what you what do you go through? You're 11.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

And that so I think about like at that age, uh that one, you're you're about to hit the 12 year stage. It's all about to change, especially with females. But at that stage, it's their life is so much different than ours was growing up, you know. Any kid that was born after social media, you know, they're going to school and and they're competing now with social media and then all of their friends and people videotaping them, and it it's so much more than what we could even imagine. And um they uh is all the silly little things, they're already so hard on themselves because they compare themselves with everybody and even more so than we did because we had magazines, they have social media that's not real. Right. And so that is exhausting. And so it can be instead of it being lazy, it could be, well, I don't want the responsibility that if I don't like something on me, at least I didn't pick it. Right? Because if I don't like something and somebody makes fun of me, I can be mad at you and not mad at myself.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Right. Like my mom picked this.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Yes, yes. And so I know it sounds silly, but it makes sense to them.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

That's that does that makes a lot of sense now that you say and again it as an adult, you don't think that your child goes through anything.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Right, because they're a kid, because in our brain, as an adult, I've got 50 million things that I have to do today, and I'm working and I'm providing, and da da da da child, you get to go to school, do some work and play.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

But it's so much more than that.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Right. So would you say that the the reason behind tantrums, defiance, the attitude, does that come from them trying to be dominant, or is there another cause for that, like biologically?

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Dominant, um, they're looking for um they need to be heard. Um, children throw tantrums for you. If you walk away, they will stop the tantrum. And there is actually a video, you have to look it up. It's hilarious. A little boy throws tantrum as mom keeps leaving the room. He's like a year old and he's screaming, and you she has the camera and she walks out, dogs following her. She steps over him and walks into another room. He screams, screams, screaming. He looks over, sees that mom's not there anymore, stands up, quits screaming, stands up, runs over, sees her, throws himself back down, screams. She walks past him, walks over and walks to another place. He looks, she's gone, stops until he finds her, throws himself back down. This goes on for like six, seven minutes.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

The tantrum's for you. The the the tantrum is it could be I'm tired, it could be I'm overwhelmed, it could be mom, you've been busy. I just need you. I need to hear you, I need for you to talk to me. Um, children need our attention, but in our busy lives, we don't have the time to give them that amount of attention. Um, so it can be a lot of different things. Children need routines. Parents, uh please do not ever let your children just stay up until they fall asleep. Because their little brains, every single day is something new and they're they're growing and changing so much that that routine makes them feel safe. A bedtime makes them feel safe. Um having dinner, knowing that dinner is going to be there every single day, it makes them feel safe. And when a child feels safe, then they can actually start to explore their world a little bit. A child that doesn't feel safe will be attached to you at all times and they don't trust themselves and they don't trust anything outside of you.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Wow. That's deep. You don't think bedtime is that important.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

They the ritual, so yeah, go so every night, especially if you have a baby, start right away. And it babies do not sleep start a sleep schedule for a good month after they're born, month, month and a half, but um every night you uh let you know, go in, sit down, they they take their bath, and then after the bath they get their pajamas on, and then after their pajamas on, you sit down and you read to them. You have this little ritual. So what happens is the brain, as this starts, the brain's like, oh, bedtime's coming. Right. So then it starts to release melatonin because it knows what to expect. When the child's just jarred into places, there's nothing there's no routine happening for the brain. So those patterns aren't there, which they now know have anything to rely on. So they can get over-exhausted and over, you know, but if they know, okay, after a bath, I get to go to sleep, even though they're gonna fight you because they're little and they they're curious and they don't want to sleep, but their body does. And so that routine gives them adults. My clients that are adults that can't sleep. I'm like, create a bedtime routine. Yeah. Every night, do your sleepy time tea, and then, you know, or whatever you you know, you do stay away from caffeine. You need to put your phone down at least a half hour. Your brain, that that that flickering light is actually keeping the brain from releasing melatonin for you to be able to go to sleep. And so um also what they've we've found out with adults is um people, and I hear this from teenagers all the way up into adults all the time, is I'll get through my day and I don't remember my day. What's going on with my memory? So before cell phones, people would lay in bed and it would take you, you know, 10 minutes to fall asleep, and you lay there and you think about your day. And your brain would go over what was good and what was bad. And then because there was good, the brain would be like, Oh, okay, this was a good day. And it would store it in the long-term memory. Going on your phone stops the review of the day. Therefore, the brain says, Oh, nothing important happened today. Kicks it out, it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Does that also affect like when you it happens to me all the time. I'll be like, Oh, let me go, blah, blah, blah. I walk into the room, then I start doing something else, and then I forgot why I even walked in the room.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

So at at your age, stress. Stress can just okay. Remember the whole the See, I'm stressed out, y'all. The pregnancy hormone thing. Remember the same thing with we call it pregnancy brain because your body was being so taxed because you're creating this human being that you're just like, I I don't even remember what I was doing. Yeah. Same thing. Honey, you've got babies still. And so you're being pulled into 50 different directions. So the frontal lobe, so so the higher level of thinking is right here in the prefrontal cortex. And when you are stressed, you have the fight or flight going on, you have adrenaline, you have cortisol, you have all of this stuff, and so the brain's gonna pay attention to what it needs to pay attention to. Right. So that higher level of thinking goes out the window because right now I'm just in survival mode trying to get all this done. So that's where I need to focus. So if you think about I uh when you think of somebody being chased by a lion, right? When you're being chased by a lion, you're not like, oh, darn it, I I gotta do the laundry, I forgot I needed to do that, oh, I didn't call that person back. That's nowhere to be found. Your body's just like, you better outrun this thing or you're gonna die. Right. Well, when you're constantly in survival mode, which parents are, you're the memory's gone.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

It's not important at that time. Right. And it's funny because people that do struggle with that, they're like, I don't know if it's Alzheimer's. I'm like, I cancel that in Jesus' name. I ain't got nothing to reclaim it. I'm like, I'm just not paying attention, clearly.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

That's yes. You know what? It's so funny that you say that because I literally just watched a study today. Yes, I'm the nerd that watches studies and reads them all the time. Um they just found out that um the research studies showed that what you feel about food actually um can affect how much you weigh.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

What? So what they found was they they So if you hate healthy food.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Or or you think that every time I eat eat this, this just puts weight on me.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Really?

SPEAKER_00 33:08

So they showed that they this they took a really healthy shake and they put on their decadent, um very low in calories, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then this one was overindulgent, fat, and put a whole bunch of calories on it, when reality they were exactly the same. The people who were who were doing the shake and the one that thought that it wasn't any calories but it was really good for them began losing weight. And the people who had it over here that saw it as something that they were indulging in and it was bad for them were gaining weight. And they found that we determine if something's good or bad, and so when we eat it and we eat it with guilt, our body will hold on to it as though it is bad for us, therefore putting on the weight. So so much our lives are mental.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Yeah. I wonder if subconsciously, though, if drinking the supposed low calorie one, that because this happens to me. When I start my day off with the gym or like some form of exercise, oh your girl eating good all day. I'm like, yes, I did good this morning. I am not messing up this workout. But when I don't, I'm like, I don't even care. Like, whatever. We if I make my steps, I'll make them. And you know, so I wonder if that that also plays in. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

100%. It's all mind over math, everything. And and we're gonna do another, we're gonna do another podcast over quantum physics and the brain, because I'm gonna tell you it is mind-blowing how much we actually do have control over what happens to us. I'm just like speaking, never speak things into your life, like saying Alzheimer's or dementia, claiming that. Or I I hear people say, Well, it runs in my family. Stop claiming that. Yeah, no, I rebuke that in the name of Jesus Christ. I am healthy and I'm healed by the stripes of Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

You know, and and his sacrifice on the cross. You declare that.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Right. And all of those like generational curses, for those of you that don't know what a generational curse is, that's like saying, Oh, my great-grandma had high blood pressure. Like those are things that are followed generation to generation. And so um I remember vividly, like one day, like the Lord led me into intercessory prayer, and I'm just praying, and I started naming the last person that had each disease. Wow. So I'm like, diabetes, you end here, you know, high blood pressure, you end here. And that's what I did. And I said, if there's anything else that I don't know about that runs in this blood, Lord, you know what it is. And it ends with whoever had it last. Yes. You know, and so it's it's those that you have to be aware, you know, and and people think, and I was thinking about this this morning because I was watching a podcast and she was talking about how important meditation is, right? And so people think like meditation is okay, but prayer is dumb. It's essentially the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

It is exactly the same thing. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Like, and there's a lot of things that tie into spirituality, but the moment you say it's anything with God, they're like, oh, I don't want nothing to do that, I don't want nothing to do with that. Yes, right, when you associate it with God. But when you associate it with uh chakra chakras and and whatever, like right, it's like, oh, this is this is so good for me. And it's like, yeah, God created it first.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

You know, exactly. That's what prayer is, right? Prayer is a meditation, and when you're consistently going over and you're saying the same thing again and again, again, or thank you, thank you, I am I'm healed, you know, just adding Jesus into that, right? You literally is the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Right. That's what they say, they say like positive affirmations, you know, uh this changed my life. And I'm like, yeah, I bet it did, you know, because it, you know, there I don't I don't like the term speaking things into existence, right? Like to me, that like the only person that created was God, right? He spoke and was like, let there be.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Um, but for us, we do throw these things in the air, right? And so you are what you say you are. Yes, you are, right? And so, and it's hard because we're so our minds were engraved, right, from childhood. Like even my six-year-old, right? She'll say, like, um, she'll say, I'm skinny, right? And then she'll say to Saray, like, you're not that skinny, right? But she's six, right? But even at six, she can tell, right? Like, oh, okay, I'm skinny. There's something different about you, you're a little bit big, right? Like, she told her daycare teacher one time that her shadow was fat. Oh yes, and so I'm like, Jadelli, like you can't say that. She's like, I didn't say she was fat, I said her shadow was fat. And I'm like, it's the same thing. But but she doesn't know, right? Yeah, you know, but all of these things, for example, weight, right? They're engraved from childhood. Yes, you know, and I'm trying to teach the girls that like there's no such thing as a bad or good food, it's just what it does to our bodies. Yes, you know, so like like Sarae, she has a heart condition, and so she was born with a heart condition, she had surgery when she was seven days old, and she had another procedure when uh Thanksgiving, like right before Thanksgiving that same year, she was like six months old. And so everything that I associate with her has to do with her heart. Like, you know, this isn't bad for you, but we have to also watch out for your heart, you know. And so, like, if she asks for more rice, because your girl loves rice for dinner, right? I'll say, Oh, you can have more rice, but you have to have more chicken, also. Like, you have to include protein because you're not so but I but I don't just say like no rice is bad or carbs are bad. I'm like, can we add a little bit more protein? So I'm like telling her protein, I'm not saying, you know, um, whatever. Like, I try to word it to where it doesn't sound bad. Yeah, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

And you're explaining it, and so and that's another thing too, is explaining that to a kid, like, yeah, I mean, it's this is really good, right? But sometimes we're not really even hungry anymore. It's just it's a craving because it tasted so good. And so, and that's okay, and it's wonderful that it tastes that well. But um, have you drank water today because dehydration can make you feel hungry? And so it's teaching them that, you know, when you're craving, so especially with females, if you're craving ice cream, if you're craving chocolate, you could be getting ready to start your period, teaching them. So that's another thing for like um preschool, or preschool, oh my goodness, um, preteen, um, when they're starting their periods, and that's coming. Have them download the period tracker apps because you're gonna teach them to pay attention to their moods. You know, I I feel really, really tired and really irritated and really mad today, and I don't know why. Okay, put that in your little period tracker because what that might be is your hormones are shifting.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

And so now instead of just being angry and sad, there's a reason. Right I'm really, really, really hungry and I'm really craving this. Why? Oh, my period's gonna start in two days. Yes. And it's learning that a period's amazing because because of it, you're gonna be able to have a child one day.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

We and that's one thing in the pagan cultures, you know, that they did right was they really did cherry cherish the period because it was it was beautiful, because it was bringing light.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Sadly, in religious cultures, you're dirty, you're unclean. And I know that that wasn't from God to say that it was even though it is like you couldn't go in, but it wasn't because it was bad, it was different, it was a different type of unclean. And so teaching girls that having your period is great, and that means that you're healthy and you're strong because you're having if you weren't healthy, you would you might not have your period.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

And so if you can teach them that, then it's not such a horrible, horrible that they hate.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Right, because we all grew up hating it. Oh, yeah, you know, and it was and it was painful, but if you're having cramps, there's a good chance that there's nutrients that are missing in your body.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

Because they're so bad. Right. So let's figure that out.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Yeah, and even now, like as an adult, I still hate my period. If there's a man watching, I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, but I think what what adds to that is the fact that men don't understand. Right. Right? So, like Pastor Les is amazing and he tries, right? And so, like, if I'm in a bad mood and I know it's because I'm about to get my period, I'm like, FYI. Yes, like stay away, right? Because he'll be like, What's wrong with you? I don't know. Like, there's nothing, like I woke up like this, literally, right? Like, there's nothing wrong with me. And so you can't, there's nothing that you can do to fix this. Just leave me alone.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

So I want to tell men out there, this is my favorite thing to tell men, is men get periods too. Right. So, first of all, only five percent of women actually have PMS. Really? Only five percent.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

So I'm I'm that five percent.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Men men can have a period, so you obviously don't have the period part, but men can have a change in hormones. And some men, some men, three to four days out of the month, they become quiet, distant, they need more time, they get aggravated really easily, and you're just like, where is this coming from? And it's because that that particular man is actually having a hormone, their hormone shift. That's great. And so for some men, three to four days, and so I'm gonna say a certain someone that I know has it, and I know when it happens to just take a step back, take a step back, give him his space, right? He just needs a little extra space, and when he's feeling better, he'll call me over. He'll want me to be sitting next to him, but at those times I know not to sit too close because he's just irritated.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

That's crazy. Like you don't think about that, that it can happen. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

And think about now put in the fact that our food in today's life, it sucks, it's horrible. Right. We don't get the nutrients. I'm gonna also recommend um teenagers and children need to be taking vitamins. You need to get you need to get them a good vitamin because they are not getting the nutrients that they need. Um, the average apple in the grocery store will has been in a warehouse for for a year before it ever hits the market. They pick them just as they come out, they're not ripe, and then they freeze them and they stick them in warehouses, and then they right before they bring them, they they scan them with a um gas that ripens them instantly, which is why they don't have very much taste. And because of that, the nutrient levels can be between two to five percent max.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

So here you think you're feeding your kid this fruit and it's great, and they're getting all of this stuff, they're not getting even a half of what they should be getting. They all kill children need supplements. Wow, 100%. And just I do not get paid for this, but there's an app that I have, it's $20 every three months, but it's called Prove It. And my husband and I use it all the time. You just when you go, you pick up a vitamin and you just scan the barcode and it will tell you the efficacy of it. So there's one brand that came out and it's supposed to be great, da da da. And I scanned it and it got a 45 out of 100.

SPEAKER_03 43:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 43:49

And it was, and it basically was like it has this and it doesn't have what it says. Let's say it's I don't know, like you're buying something that's supposed to have vitamin D in it, right? And it'll show that the actual vitamin D. Is like 1%. So it is worth you scanning, you know, and if if you can't afford it, get with a couple of people and do it. Right. Scan all of your vitamins to see if they actually have. There's another app, it's called Yucca. Um Y-U-K-A.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Oh, I've seen that.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

That one's free. This one you scan all your food.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

It tells you like how good it is for you or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Gatorade. Everyone listen, Gatorade. Out of a hundred, Gatorade falls around a nine. Has cancer causing. I mean, it's horrifying. Yes. Horrible. And so as you look through it, you're like, oh my gosh. And here's all these foods that I thought was healthy. Right. And Yucca will actually go through. And once you've used it enough, it'll actually unlock where you can do um hair care and skin products as well. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

Yeah, I I don't remember how I discovered that app, but I did download it. And um it's I remember why I downloaded it because I went into a rabbit hole on deodorant. Same story. Right? Because again, like your skin is the biggest organ of your body. So like if there's one thing that you need to really care about what you're putting on, is like what you put on your skin because it absorbs it. Like that's why you put on some Vaseline and then you're like, oh, it's dry. Yeah, because your skin literally sucked it up. And so I went into like a whole rabbit hole about like deodorants and the stuff that's in deodorant. And then I'm like thinking, like, who invented deodorant? Right? Like, I wonder what they used to use in the back then for a deodorant. Because like, I don't always smell, right? Like, I I'm I'm being like a hundred percent honest. I don't always smell, you know? So like why do we push these things so much when like unless I mean there are people that have really bad BO. Right. But I'm not one of them.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

So is it something internally hormones hormones cause it? That's why it's so funny because we have these, my freshmen. I always have to have the talk because they're supposed to get in health class, but I'm like, listen, as freshmen, um, your hormones have kicked in, which means you used to be able to play on the playground for hours and you didn't smell you do now because of hormones. So I'm like, you need to shower daily. Right. This isn't a once every couple of days take a bath, like you need to do every single day because of hormones, and so yeah, so hormones affect you, a bacteria, you know what I mean? Can that can also cause it. But as far as like um your skincare, and that was another thing. So Cervey is always recommended by dermatologists. Yeah, and if you go to Target, they have another one called Native. And I was like, oh, cool, like I was I was gonna, you know, I bought that for my daughter, and then I looked at the yucca app, and it's horrible. Cervae, there's a massive lawsuit right now for cancer. Really?

SPEAKER_01 46:50

Yeah. Well, I'm glad I know.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Recommended by doctors. Like both of my girls have eczema. Yeah, see, so you know what's phenomenal? Go on YouTube and look up castor oil. Yes. Castor oil, and you have to get it in a glass bottle because it leaches everything. So if it's in plastic, it'll leach the plastic out of the plastic bottle. It has to be in glass. Um, it should be in a dark glass because to preserve it. Um, but you take castor oil and you can mix it with coconut oil, argan oil, jojoba oil, um, and then you put that all over you. Castor oil actually sucks the moisture out of the air and will put it into your skin. Here's the crazy part. You can put castor oil in your eyes. In pure drops. In it helps break down cataracts.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

Really?

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Um, you can put um castor oil, you can use it if you're constipated. You just a little bit, don't go crazy with it. A little bit. You can put it in your belly button. Go on YouTube and look up castor oil people's stories. Um put castor oil in your face, and it actually it's it slows the process of aging.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

We're gonna have to do like 17 podcasts on because Yeah, so castor oil.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

So the the the we have pushed all of these products. Yeah. And let go back to the basics. Right. Go back to the stuff because that is 100% they have pushed. So back in the 1920s, um, companies started to push like um all of the commercials and stuff because they were able to they have this huge market.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Toothpaste, you know how like if you look in their teeth whitening, baking soda, well, that's what people use was baking soda, salt, yeah, is how they brush their teeth. Really? Then they started, they came up with the word, literally created the word halitosis, which meant bad breath. Bad breath, uh-huh. And then started marketing it. It was a market campaign campaign. That's crazy. And so there are basics. A borax is amazing, and you can use that. You can actually, I know this disclaimer, I'm not telling you to do it, but people are you should never eat it. No, there's not, there's you can actually physically eat it and it doesn't harm you. Everything out there will tell you it it does because the FDA, but um, people you can buy like borax little pills that women for like they get yeast infections and stuff, you can use those and it will clear it up.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

Yeah, so natural is 100%, but because of marketing and money, they people think that you don't you can't or you don't have to, you have to use this.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

Right, of course. Let me just tell y'all, Dawn. Every time I talk to her, she's a member of our church, and every Sunday we'd be having these long conversations, and I'm like, I just look at her and I'm amazed. I'm like, she's like a vault of information. I'll be like, yeah, I was talking, I was reading this, and she'll be like, you know what? Study I saw.

SPEAKER_00 49:36

I am I I love to learn. I love to learn, and I'm that brain that holds on to information. So my husband and I will, you know, I've done like seminars and stuff, and he was always like, you know, here's the PowerPoint. And I'm like, I don't really need the PowerPoint because I'll glance at it and I'm like, oh. Right. And then it just starts pouring out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:56

So that's like how I am with sermons. I do bullet points most of the time. And it's just like, because I know if I just write red, just an example, I know what I'm gonna talk about weekly. So you know, associated with that word. So my last question will be what do you want parents to gain from the parents' conference? What was like basically what was the purpose of you wanting to do this and what knowledge do you want them to be able to walk out of here with? It's witches free, by the way. Um, you know, so kind of just tell us what like why should they come? What what is gonna be what what is uh gonna be their key takeaway from this conference?

SPEAKER_00 50:34

So one, I think I want parents to know you're not alone because it's it's a very hard place to be sometimes. Um when you become a parent, you're no longer you, your mom, right? Your mom, your wife, your, you know, um, you're not even your yeah, you're not your individual self anymore. Yeah, so yes, you have to be everything. Um I want I want one of them, I would love to see so many women connect because so there was there was a study, and it showed that one of the problems that we have today is people there's no longer community. Yes, and so what's missing? That and they showed that years ago, people you went to the grocery store, you knew the cashier, and you'd stand and you'd have a conversation, you went to your butcher and you'd ask them how their mom was. Oh, because that you knew that they had had surgery, you went to um the dry cleaner, you went, you know, everywhere you went, you knew the people and you had a conversation and you had a check-in. And if you didn't show up for two days, people were asking. Right, they knew, right? Yeah, and so there was this community that you knew that people cared about you, and when you had a problem, you could go to multiple people and they would go, Oh, you know, I'm going through that. Well, we don't have that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Um, social media has destroyed communities, um, technology, people don't shop, they go online and they order their stuff. Um, COVID created so much fear, and you know, fear is not of God, and do not fall for it, but it created so much fear that people quit going shopping, they quit doing that. So I want women I want women and men to know that there are people out there, just like you, that are going through it, um, and that you there's ways that you can contact people, talk to people, and not feel judged. Yes. That's my number one. My number two is to give you a baseline understanding of what's going on sometimes in the brain and their their hormones and w why they're throwing a tantrum, or when your teenager no longer talks to you, that there's this switch changes happening in the brain, and it's not you. It's this their way of growing and learning. And one of the stories I told you guys, and I think I told Pastor Les the first time, and it was there's this thing in your brain called the tech mental segue, and dopamine flows through it when you're little, and that's why little kids are so joyful, you know, and they can play for hours. And then when you're a teenager, you know, you're 13, 14, you're sitting looking at your backyard thinking, How did I play out here forever and not get bored? Like, oh my gosh. What happened was when you became a preteen, that tech metal segue started to close. And so that dopamine that gives you joy, it stopped flowing. It's now just a drop, it's a trickle. And so people say, Well, why would why would that happen? Well, scientists believe that if you were always happy at home, you would never leave. You would never seek out a life for yourself. And so becoming that preteen is teaching you to find your own life, to find your own friends, to find your own place in the world. And little by little it starts to separate you. And so you're not losing your child, but you're you're gaining this new this new person that's trying to find their own self. Yeah. And so they have to go through that. And unfortunately, it lasts till they're about 22, 23, 24 years old. And this is why teenagers want to be in their room. Yeah. They w they need their alone time, that's their time to think. Problem with it today is they go to social media and they're going to bad things. Um, whereas, you know, being in their room is not a bad thing, right? But giving them wholesome things to do while they spend quality time by themselves.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 54:12

But it's not you. And so when you're a toddler, you think, oh my gosh, I can't wait till they get older and it's gonna be easier. Right. Every age comes with its own set of stuff. I learned that. And um if you can have the tools to kind of understand what's happening, I think it gives you the chance to be able to come at it in a different way and to have more success, to have more harmony and peace between you and your kids. And and just you as a parent going to bed thinking, oh my gosh, like I just did I I messed up so bad, or I shouldn't have said this. I'm ruining my kids. Um, you know, for one, I don't care how great a parent you are, you're always gonna do something that's gonna ruin your kids. Like that's just life. Every kid, I don't care how great you were, is gonna grow up and go, Well, there's this one thing that happened to me. So every parent needs to hear that. The community. They people need a community, right?

SPEAKER_01 55:03

And um you will be touching on from toddlers up to teens, perfectly.

SPEAKER_00 55:08

Yes, even to early, early, probably 20s.

SPEAKER_01 55:11

Awesome. So if you have any children um that are toddlers or even grandkids at this point, like right, um, nieces, nephews, whatever, like please come out. Um, I will put the flyer at the end of the video, or I shouldn't say Pastor Les will put the flyer at the end of the video. Um, and it will be free of charge July 11th here at our church, 1019 East Broad Street in Elyria. Um, and that'll be at 12 noon. Um, and so come out and join us, and you'll be able to talk to Dawn after if you want to, right? Connect with her, get her information. Um, and I I'm very excited, like super excited about this because again, right, like I have kids, and my kids range from six to almost 20 now. And so there's things that still is like, oh, is this normal? Like it and then having Saray with being the first girl, right? Like, I'm not looking forward to like the whole period situation, and I'm really not. I'm really hormone shifts, yeah. You know? Yes. So some rapid fire questions, it's just a few. Um, so just whatever's the quickest thing that comes to mind. So gentle parenting, yes or no? No. Should parents be friends with their kids? No.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

Uh most misunderstood behavior in toddlers. Um that they're not being they're not being bad when they're throwing a tantrum. There's reasons for it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Most misunderstood behavior in teens. Same thing. Same thing.

SPEAKER_00 56:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Uh, one parenting book, you I know you said this. One parenting book everyone should read. Parenting with love and logic.

SPEAKER_00 56:48

Um, and there's a tea there's a toddler version, and then there's a little bit older, the adolescent version. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

And then one word of encouragement for the parents that are listening.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

You're not bad, and you're not alone, and you're not a terrible parent. And um, it's hard. It is harder than anybody ever wants to admit. We love our kids, but they change our lives um forever. And there's good and there's there's bad, and it is a struggle. And I think that all we ever hear is children are a blessing, and we're so afraid to say yes, but sometimes I feel like there's a terrorist living in my home. Um, but it they are a blessing, and they're amazing, but they're hard. It is the most amazing and hardest thing you will ever do in your entire life is to be a parent.

SPEAKER_01 57:34

Yes, I love that. So thank you so much for being here. And you know we're gonna be doing a whole bunch more of these.

SPEAKER_00 57:41

Bring a notebook. Please bring a notebook so you can write down like key things that you like or things that I mentioned that you're able to look up.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

Yes, absolutely. Um, so with the parents conference, would you recommend that they don't bring their children?

SPEAKER_00 57:54

Yes, I would know, because kids kids are also gonna tune into things that are being said and they're gonna and learning, like, oh, wait, wait a minute. Right. And expecting you to behave a certain way or do so. So if you can come that way, you also one come and and be able to talk to other grown-ups without being interrupted. That's something that all parents need to. Right. And hopefully maybe meet, you know, some people that you connect with and want to become friends with and parent with. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

I mean, it it does, like it takes a village. Yes. And so it's very difficult to parent when you feel like you're alone. Yes. And especially for women, I feel like men don't have the same emotional connection to kids as not that they love them any less, right? But we carry them. Yes. So I feel like our connection to our kids is like completely different, you know. Like even with my older son, I'll lay down in bed with him and I'll cuddle with him, right? Like it's just like that's my baby. My husband would never, you know, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

And and we know now that when your child is born that they live they leave behind stem cells. They stay a part of us for the rest of our lives.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

Yes, yes. So it's it's you know, parenting is a beautiful thing, and we should feel privileged to be able to be parents because there's you know, some people that can't have children of their own, even though there's other options, right? Adoption and and stuff like that. Um, but if you can come out, please do so. Um think is there anything else you wanna Like I said, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:21

I mean, if you have to bring your kids, I mean that's sometimes it happens, but um, I would love for you to be able to fellowship with other people and other other adults and kind of trade stories and talk about things because that's the whole point of connection and not feeling you're alone. And um, yeah, just come because there's a lot. You know me, I could probably get up here for like four hours and tell you a whole bunch of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

We might need a part two in our conference.

SPEAKER_00 59:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 59:46

So thank you guys so much for joining us, and we will see you guys next time.

SPEAKER_02 59:51

Take care.